Gaslighting: #NITTI

Is gaslighting a new word? Definitely not. 

But for me, hearing it for the first time a couple of years ago was like a lightbulb moment. Suddenly, the fog of my experience made sense.

I had an experience that shook me so deeply, I kept wondering if it was a bad dream I needed to wake up from. But no, it was my reality.

Somewhere in the middle of processing it, I stumbled on the word "Gaslighting". I honestly can’t remember exactly how it came to my attention, but when I started reading about it, the description was so spot-on that I literally screamed out loud, “Oohhh… so this is it?”

It felt liberating to finally have a word that captured the fog I had been wading through.

It was new vocabulary for me and I’m sure I’m not alone. But here’s the twist: the term actually originated in 1938 from a play titled Gas Light. Popularity of the term "Gaslight" however, surged in recent years especially in 2022. And in 2024, Google confirmed that gaslighting was the second most searched relationship term. (Did search the word too and added to this?)

Yet, I don’t think we talk about it enough whether in relationships or in the workplace, about the silent, draining, and sometimes torturous impact it can have. Some people do it consciously, others unconsciously. But here’s the truth: you need to name it to tame it. #NITTI

Think about this:

• In a relationship, it could sound like, “You’re too sensitive and dramatic; that never happened,” when in fact it did and you know it did. Over time, hearing that makes you second-guess your memory and your emotions.

• At work, it could be a boss or business partner insisting, “I never agreed to that deadline; you must have imagined it,” even though there are emails to prove otherwise. Slowly, you begin to doubt your own professionalism and competence.

  
  

That spike in searches says something important many people are living through one form of confusion or manipulation. They’re searching for help, understanding, and healing

And we must remember: our emotional thresholds differ; what might seem harmless to you could be deeply destabilizing to someone else. If you care, you will notice.

As Shannon L. Alder put it: “The most dangerous thing about being gaslighted is losing your grip on reality and doubting yourself.”

Please, don’t gaslight your loved ones, colleagues, or any human being. And if you are being gaslighted, it’s best to talk about it. Silence or pretending it doesn’t exist only makes it worse. Name It To Tame It! #NITTI

So, now that you know the second most searched relationship term of 2024, can you guess what was the first? I’ll give you a hint, it’s open relationship. I’m not judging o, but as one of my Big Aunties in Abuja would say, in Yoruba: “Iranu!” (Ask AI to translate)